“What Am I Working For?” and “Can I Get Away With Not Doing It?”
Advantages: Rest, Recouperation, Prevent fatigue, Clear your head, Think about your life
Disadvantages: If someone else has to do your work, you get fired, or worse . . .
1) Quote this speech from For Richer, For Poorer (1992 film) on the origin of work from slavery.
Son: “In college I took this course in Anthropology and you know how work got started?
One day this really big guy went up to this little guy and said: “Hey buddy, I got a proposition for you; you do all my hunting for me, you do all my fishing for me, you clean up my cave for me and you’ll do whatever else I tell you to do ok?”
And the little guy goes: “Gee I don’t know, what do I get out of it?”
And the big guy said: “If you do all these things for me, I won’t bash your head in with this rock.”
And the little guy said: “Well that sounds pretty good to me!”
And boom, that’s how work got started and then one day the little guy’s girlfriend went up to him and said: “Honey, why are you doing all this stuff?”
He didn’t wanna seem like a wimp so he said: “It’s good, work is a noble thing for man to do” and that’s how the work ethic got started.
Father: “Yes! Work is a noble thing to do, and who would disagree!?”
Son: “Socrates for one, in his day work was for slaves, inferior beings who did all the menial tasks so the superior beings would be free to pursue art, philosophy, state crap and all through Europe right up to the 20th century if work was so noble, how come you never saw any of the nobility doing it? Hmm?”
To which, in contrast to its undeniability, your boss replies: “Quite frankly filibuster, I don’t give a damn. I don’t know any other way and neither do you. Get here or don’t come back, period!” of perhaps the shorter “You’re fired!” S. Alan Sugar style will suffice.
2) Quoted from The Emperor’s New Groove (2000 cartoon)
Guard: “Um I’ve turned into a cow, may I be excused?”
Yzma: “You’re excused. Anybody else?”
Chorus of ‘no I’m good’s’ from the other newly turned non-human characters as they decide they’ve got nothing to lose and jump down a huge tube that they can’t see the end of…
3) Speaking of tunnels and perhaps White lights, howabout:
“I died, came back and am in no condition to work sir/ma’am”
(I made that one up) Heck I think that’d be a damned good excuse for not turning up for work.
1) Killing off your relatives, repeatedly.
I knew someone whose grandmother(s) had died too many times to be credible. Firstly, I think pretending people or any ‘loved ones’ have died is done in bad taste, unless of course you hate their guts. Sometimes it has to be done and I guess if it’s done when you do have a reasonable excuse but one your boss wouldn’t accept it then… Hmm…
2) Actually killing off somebody to not to go work.
The pros of the above:
1) Not having to go to work or if it was bad enough to kill someone for, perhaps it’s more like slavery, unless you’re a gangster of course.
2) If you kill someone most people hate you may be a hero or vigilante who gets free drinks.
1) It could take ages to get caught and heck you might not get caught at all so you’d have to carry on going to work indefinitely!
2) The bloody expensive trial, annoying barristers and judges who play golf and go to dinner together whilst pushing you into admitting you’re not human but a number, company asset or corporation and ruling over you with naval law whilst on land or as a ‘citizen’ of land, so on and so forth = Debt and Despair.
3) Being acquitted and potentially going back to work.
4) Spending time in a jail – which could be seen a pro with no bills, regular meals, exercise etc but the same applies to cons – it’s a grotty, grim, Grey prison, don’t talk about the gourmet fayre and the exercise is grueling especially if it means running away from predators stronger than you.
5) It could mean having to join a pack for strength in numbers and hence end up with some embarrassing slogan tattooed on your body, ’til death do you part since you’d probably in there for a long time before laser treatment became a possibility. Or do they have laser removal since prisoners can get tattoos in the first place? That said, your sentence may be longer than had you committed say, a White collar financial crime, oh wait I meant ‘innocent/not so bad mistake’.
6) You end up sharing a cell with someone you’d prefer Hansen’s disease (leprosy) to, and they’re called Shiv (as in a knife), Snake or some such equivalent.
7) You end up in solitary confinement and realize ‘sh*t what was so different between work/my old life and here?’
8) You plead insanity and end up being tested on for new drugs/meds and disciplinary protocols.
9) You end up in the ‘mental’ kind of cell/room with someone ‘madder’ than you.
Between a rock and a hard place? Which way to go? The above or the below either way you’re likely to hear something along the lines of:
Emperor’s New Groove:
Kuzco: Oh, and by the way, you’re fired.
Yzma: Fired? W-W-What do you mean, “fired”?
[Kuzco snaps his finger and a servant comes in and writes down Yzma’s ‘pink slip’]
Kuzco: Um, how else can I say it? “You’re being let go.” “Your department’s being downsized.” “You’re part of an outplacement.” “We’re going in a different direction.” “We’re not picking up your option.” Take your pick. I got more.
That’s life as we know it mac.