From the title you’ve probably gathered that today is ‘Old Maids Day’ – don’t you just love the sound of that! Well I do anyway lol 😀
Heck I’m a born spinster and I think it’s pretty safe to say I was born to be a spinster. Ok so maybe I’m not technically an ‘old maid’ – well maybe I am in many ways – but what I lack in physical years I make up in spirit!
I remember visiting two older female relatives many moons ago and the elder one saw me admiring myself in the mirror (yes it happens sooometimes once in a Blue moon or less and strangely enough usually when somebody else is watching) and said I was beautiful and that I’d always be celibate, never get married. The other female corrected her and that she’d meant spinster (though the two obviously go together in many people’s minds). I simply said something along the lines of ‘yep’ and here I am some… I dunno 18 years later and glad I never tied the Gordian knot.
It’s like when I was in primary/elementary school and we had to write plus draw what we thought we’d be and look like as an adult – I think they meant at the theoretical ‘pinnacle’ of adulthood (and everything’s downhill from there apparently) having reached life goals since they didn’t give an age range. I drew myself with glasses and I think I wrote business woman (I probably wrote palaeontologist first but was then told it was unrealistic). A lot of other girls wrote ‘mother’ as good little girls do though of course as a testament to the way boys are brought up I don’t think any of them thought of let alone wrote/drew themselves as fathers. Of course anything boys could do I do better but in this case not thinking/writing ‘mother’ wasn’t a protest lol, I was just never disposed towards it personally. My main goal was to earn enough money to let my mother (and later my younger sister) be a lady of leisure. So there you have it, I was born to be a Daughter. I planned for them to have the finest in life whilst I did the work which was fine by me because I felt disposed to having a good job though of course my plans always run into massive interference and I soon learned that you can’t really ‘earn’ a lot of money – well not millions+ in either a) a decent way that doesn’t compromise or throw ethics/moral integrity out the window, actually I mean put it in a bin and set it on fire or b) the job doesn’t equate to the earnings, it’s simply multiplied by the amount of people accessing your work as consumers which is why traditionally people who’ve done socially important work do get pittance or are unpaid. Of course there’s always winning it but I lost all the luck I had when I turned 12 – Lady Luck why hast thou forsaken me!? Get the hell back here!!!
Anyway where was I?… Oh yeah fast forwarding to this day and age, I don’t date, I don’t look for singles (or non-singles), I don’t flirt, I don’t lust/yearn/look others up and down, I have no ‘internal body clock’ doing my thinking for me, I have no yearnings or fears of ‘oh dreary me I’m getting old, when ever shall I get married’ notions, and the idiots who do try and show me images of marriage and so-called boyfriends are people whose opinions I have zero respect for and I don’t feel lonely. Conversely I love solitude and I like platonic friendship and affection.
What you doubt the veracity of the above and think it’s a reaction to something? Let me be the first to say a big fat NOPE. I genuinely like seeing other people/critters happy together or doing their best with partners that they’ve chosen for themselves without orchestration or feeling obligated. I like seeing others be kind and considerate to each other, heck my eyes are watering just imagining it *is such a sap and tears up at anything nice all the time whether ‘real’ or ‘fictional’*. I just don’t covet it, want what others have or begrudge them when they’re not nasty pieces of work. There are things when I look at others which can make me feel bad about myself but romantic love and sexual relations aren’t on that list and never have been. The former I’m not totally against, I like romance or the thought of it (I’m sentimental — but not stupid), heck not many don’t and in this reality we live in there’s not much to dislike about sincere romantic behaviour/gestures. I’ve always been gallant and chivalrous or at least courteous (which typically means I meet people who can’t/don’t/won’t express ‘thank you’, ‘please’, ‘excuse me’ etc) though never really been romantic but it’s similar to those characteristics. The latter, sexual relations, just grosses me out, I find it unnatural, an extreme form of ‘pain relief’ with too many life changing risks which are even more repulsive to me. Then there’s the point that pain is a symptom of something wrong or abnormal so ‘rectifying’ it doesn’t solve the problem, though most people see the cause as natural and not a problem – I don’t.
I’m not against marriage as a non-fiscal idea, for other people, though can see why many get married for the financial and social benefits or easing of financial/social pressures. However if there was ever a window for that for me it’s well and truly over and I have no urges or regrets – I’m bloody glad I didn’t get married. Marriage is more than romance – it needs to be a state of contentment/happiness otherwise it’s just another financial partnership where the people are committed/loyal to making it work for whatever reason(s). But we all know what happens when the romance or as the song goes ‘the thrill is gone’ – people are quick to look/daydream about elsewhere heck they’re doing it when they think they’re happy with the person they’ve got. Again they think it’s natural to find others attractive – again, I don’t and don’t. It takes a lot to get my attention that way because I’m simply not superficial. See I’m entirely realistic and fair – such partnerships are not for me, I’m not going to beat around the bush or play games. There was perhaps a timeframe for me but it’s well and truly gone, and as per usual for many it was most felt around teen to early adult years aka 18-early twenties when like many others that age I did feel or felt expected to feel loneliness and feel it hard and then for many it extends well into much of the rest of their lives and lot of people settle. That said a lot of people expect, hope and lust after what they don’t deserve as well so it’s not really settling all the time but that doesn’t stop them thinking/hoping to ‘do better’. *Rolls eyes* honestly at least I always wanted, and this applies to everything in life, what I thought/felt I deserved by having and continuing to work to be the best person I can rather than not bothering and yet desiring or living vicariously through others. Settling for something sub-standard or holding onto/holding back something superior is not what I want.
The same goes with children. Well that’s not true – it’s moreso, absolute with kids. I don’t want them and I don’t particularly like them. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about them, I can say the same about non-humans and yet I’m vegan aren’t I and my health is the last thing on my mind with that. Again I’m just realistic and fair – I care more about others than most I’ve come across, and people (I call everyone people so that includes non-humans) are people wherever they are, whatever they look like and whatever their culture. Quite frankly people are mostly awful yet I’ve spent more time and effort caring about their welfare than anything else, my existence is devoted to it and I do so because I feel and that’s on top of duty/obligation. Any inkling of another’s pain gets to me, there shouldn’t have been pain and suffering let alone structure and infrastructure to ensure, bottle and sell/consume it. Kids are just mini-people to me, I get on with them or not as I would anyone else though of course I’m gentler with them unless they have no manners or are bloody horrid/cruel. Most people think of having kids as normal and that they’ll get to it at some stage unless they’re the type that plan when they’ll have them, have names and nursery decorations picked out. What that means is that they haven’t really thought about it, they’ve just accepted it. I’ve really thought about, I already knew from the start I didn’t want kids, but I still really thought about why/why not. I’m not one to gloss over serious issues or wait until they’re on the doorstep. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, more than I need to because others keep pushing it on me, but not once have I wanted a child/kids whether through pregnancy (no, just no, I may as well call it sacrilegious) or adoption/fostering. I’m not built for parenthood, heck I’ve never found one baby cute. There’s a ton of reasons why I don’t want to be a parent, and that’s on top of just intrinsically not wanting to, some call that selfish. Yes it is and it should be, it’s positively selfish in that at least I won’t be hurting myself or another/others by doing so in contrast to those that go through with it if they don’t want to or risk it even when they’re unsure. That’s negatively selfish (unless they have sympathetic, extenuating circumstances like religion telling them they’re evil if they don’t or forced/duped marriage etc) and it may be ‘nice’ it if works out after going through hell but it’s too much to risk, the hell shouldn’t of happened and being a parent or being alive wasn’t meant to be a punishment.
I’ve always been asexual though like most I felt I had to make compromises when I was younger and was confused by mixed messages from those around me/media as to what I should be like (and that’s coming from someone whose always been strong willed/independent) but not anymore and never again. There was one point when I was vegan romantic – which simply means I’d only consider being partners (and I say partners as I don’t do casual relations) with another vegan and in a non-sexual relationship. But now – why bother? I’m probably too old and ‘wise’ to be called a young maiden drat – but I like being a maid with old tendencies. Scratch that I love it. And that’s what counts. 🙂 Though I’ll take my bodily youth back as well. :-p
P.S – the meaning behind Old Maids Day is one of sympathy and pity – bah – I say party on!
The Old Mai…Cron… um Dark/Mother 😀
Me the Maid
My honourary lil’sis the Young Maiden