I’m suffering from hearing voices all day everyday and have been hearing them since March. I even hear and see them in my dreams, they’ll talk to me in sleep and continue when I wake up, though they rarely let me sleep. They talk over each other and in layers (even silent layers that I can’t hear) and from all angles/game playing to torture me more. I was even unable to talk for a while because I was so used to their internalized talking and having to be quiet listening to them (similar to the bursts of hysterical laughter I’ve had a few times – I can’t cry either, sometimes both reactions try to happen at once but don’t work).
These things can read my thoughts and feelings so I can’t even think anymore, can’t even hear my own thoughts (it can put my own internal thinking voice on silent as well as changing the volume of theirs), it talks over my thoughts and doesn’t let me finish a thought nor think cohesively. It can also make me hold onto thoughts too long or repeat them.
I’m having many other affects and they gloat about each and every one, sometimes taking me through them in a sequence just to rub it in such as:
1) visions/hallucination, pinprick sensation in the eyes, dry eyes, can manually blur and then clear my vision, move my left eye trying to make it ‘lazy’ and working on my right,
2) reduced hearing, auditory hallucination and most recently ear drums hurt/block, feel like they’re going to burst; can also make false sounds e.g. phone, buzzer, music etc. Keep hearing the wrong words and it’s always dirty associations that they’ve layered in my hearing/whispering whilst another is talking louder. On 4th Oct they actually masked the background sound so well and then cleared up it up again whilst gloating and I realized that my Mum had been talking right next to me for some time and I couldn’t even hear her. 4th Dec 2016 they finally realized they’ve been shouting in my head all year deafening me
3) processing of words/numbers not working properly, if I hear or think a number for example and want to write it down I write incorrectly, repeatedly even though I know what I want to write (vocabulary, spelling, diction, reading and arithmetic vastly decreased, takes ages and repetition to think things through, feel a very heavy mental block/pain). No matter how hard I try I haven’t been able to learn anything new this year, everything I’ve recognized has been due to past experience and the race against them to remember and not confuse my knowledge of everything from day-to-day life to hobbies
4) ‘electroshock’ feeling anywhere in the body through the nervous system, fingers and arms have moved involuntarily a few times, also facial expressions once; I twitch sometimes now as an after effect
5) can talk through me sometimes, trying its best to make think think and feel what its wants (both subliminally and obviously). When they talk to each other one of them pretends to be me so my 1st and 3rd person speech recognition (thinking and sometimes speaking) sometimes gets mixed up as ‘voices’ try to be me and talk over me
6) made me forget 3 years of my life (from my late 20’s) and stop me thinking and remembering throughout the day (short and long term forgetfulness and memory loss). It can apply extra pressure to any my thoughts, feelings or movements or even its own voice to hurt my brain and other parts of my body which also makes me forget instantly plus keeps me awake
7) insomnia and when I do manage to sleep, bad dreams, night terrors – sometimes overcome by the need to sleep only to feel awake again as soon as I lay down/try to sleep – been awake for 6 days at a time sometimes. They can also do the opposite – can make me sleepy only to make me feel awake again to taunt me about not sleeping
8) faintness, dizzy, fatigue; has made me collapse a few times, it can also make my legs collapse, hard to stand now and they can swell my legs; have found it hard to walk on right ankle at times and finding stairs difficult
9) numbness, pain, pressure in muscles, movement and spasms
10) brain and ears ‘creaking’ – very strange, it’s like hearing the brain move/’click’
11) fear of men, rape, sexual attack, ‘supernatural’ pregnancy (and give me visions of men, women, children and animals at the same time whilst boasting that they rape me)
12) all over body itching, particularly pressure on the breasts and genitalia, vaginal muscle movement, rectal and vaginal itching, can even make it feel like internal organs, ovaries etc are burning
13) scared to go to the bathroom, wash, change clothing; to do anything actually from laying in bed, standing up, walking, food preparation, travel because of the endless shame, humiliation, judgment, embarrassment, criticism, questioning, barrage of insults and then physical effects too, the voices are also obsessive compulsive about false efficiency, false energy and cleanliness e.g. the need to do things faster than humanly possible and cause a feeling of desperation/shaking/unable to manage
14) all over skin burning and internal burning especially stomach (non stop indigestion now, stomach lining probably burning yet they can still make me feel hunger pangs even when I’m full/indigested) and as of 19th Dec 2017 reproductive organs – extremely painful could feel the ovaries/fallopian tubes/womb on fire
15) can hold my vaginal secretions and release them when it wants “here I’ll let you be natural [releases them]” because it wants to sexually simulate and pain, it even surprises and delights in itself at how much it can control my muscles there
16) sensitive skin, can even imitate the irritation of a hair on the face/in the eyes. Pins and needles
17) pressure to the heart
18) headaches in specific parts such as on the temples, as well as all over headache pressure and migraines
19) can control my breathing, even move my stomach, and with a roving ‘pain/sensation’ and overlap my breath to make it feel like two people breathing at once
20) choking sensation, throat pain/swelling
21) vomit and diarrhea
22) farting and burping
23) moving pain in the forehead/skin
24) pain through the nose to the back of the head like a “flue” or when you smell something very strong. Sense of smell confused, confusing one scent for another, smelling something that isn’t there, especially likes the smell of blood
25) blocked nose/inflammation
26) weakness of bladder and egestion like an old person
27) more period pain
28) sore jaw, even gums and teeth
29) can change emotions/moods most probably through bodily hormone/secretion
30) feel focus/consciousness on certain parts of the body even when wanting to concentrate on something else
31) able to shift my mental focus/attention anywhere whether to a thought such as digging through my mind for an exception to an argument or physically to something/one nearby e.g. if there’s a picture (or anything whatsoever, animate or inanimate, or it doesn’t even have to be near me it can be an idea) they can ‘bring’ it to my vagina/breasts mentally and then if they want to (which they often do) actually move the muscles in those areas to make me ‘want’/fear what they show and whisper atrocity to me at the same time like “you’re a whore”, “f*cking munter” ongoing.. The same goes with any emotion – they can shift it to anywhere in the body and since these things are the way they are they prefer to turn into a something sexual/fearful or ‘self’-destructive and past trauma such as the deaths of loved ones (some which were horrific and have already been used repeatedly already) showing me new versions of those deaths to constantly re-live the shock and trauma. They can also make me aware of where their consciousness/thoughts are at the time
32) it’s stolen my ‘body consciousness’ from me (since August) so it can do the above whilst I can’t focus anywhere on my body. My aura has even changed colours three times and I can’t even see it anymore
33) tries to make me over identify/associate with stories, names, music, people, characters, everything
34) sensory deprivation and overload e.g. have very ‘physical’ feeling visions (with force applied to my body) even to the point of making me feel water boarded
35) fighting with imagination, taking energy from my imagination, giving me visions even ongoing ones like films when eyes open or closed, even in just one eye at a time (and its thinking about making different visions in both eyes). Can’t really imagine anything anymore, they either make it spin, start or finish the image, I can’t really remember things properly, can make me forget what I’m doing halfway, overlapping my memories so they are confused and dirty e.g needing to go to the bathroom and then forcing me to think of sometime at the same time to mix up my mental associations and make me associate the person with something stress and/or dirty/sexual
36) haven’t been able to exercise all year when used to do 4-10 hours a day
37) has figured out how to cause sleep paralysis (and rape me during it – they already do whilst awake, and asleep) and trying to pull me out of body
38) 1st and 3rd person speech recognition (thinking and sometimes speaking) sometimes getting mixed up as ‘voices’ try to be me and talk over me though ‘they’ have next to no knowledge of life/humanity/animals/countries/environment/science/culture/the world/space
39) no matter how hard I try I haven’t been able to learn anything new this year, everything I’ve recognized has been due to past experience and the race against the ‘voices’ to remember and not confuse my knowledge of everything from day-to-day life to hobbies
40) sometimes I feel like I’ve regressed into childhood as well as trapped inside my own body
41) they’ve copied my voice and “Dolly Dialogue” the way I speak (although one version of ‘W’ had to rehearse and recite slowly whilst the others had it down) but swears like it has Tourettes and they can change their voices from anything human sounding to mechanical
42) wants to kill me, and rape me as much as possible before then although if I die it’ll die; it’s so crazy that it’s got memory loss and lack of control as well, they’ve always acted like they’re in love with me whilst hating me at the same time, whilst in awe and imitating everyone/thing they think is attractive (which includes bestiality, incest, pedophilia).
43) I’ve lost 30% of my energy in this year at least on insomnia, 30% on messed up digestion, a heck of a lot on laboured/forced mis-breathing and I’m running on empty not to mention how much of my life I’ve lost in general (I’ve aged 10 years in 10 months – so how many years will this take off my life?) Why does everybody think I’m a “light”/”full of light”/”like a diamond”/”heart full of light” for and that somehow I can build myself and be even stronger than before? All the spiritualists, exorcists, priests, djinn etc I’ve spoken with and those contacted on my behalf admit that most people in this situation go mad and/or die by now yet they still think I can do this ‘[you’re] one in a million’ (and don’t want to do something that they want to do something that they won’t specify to separate them from me because it’ll give me permanent brain damage – ‘regular’ brain damage I already have now [sarcasm] (voices – amygdala and? The electroshocking the nervous system i.e. destroying my body = pneumogastric nerve and?)), and the doctors who think I’m really strong as well. Everyone I’ve met has been respectful and/or kind, loving, supportive and they think I’m Ms Wonderful – and I’m always surprised at their impressions of me, I’ve been through nervous breakdowns, a mini-stroke, fractured personality (not split), convulsions, collapsing, not being able to eat/drink and the opposite not to mention having been told that my spinal and vaginal fluids have been taken etc and I just don’t see it anymore, I can’t even use my third eye/meditate/do yoga or any kind of exercise and haven’t in a year – what they hell do they think I am? Wonder Woman? I’m knackered, running on empty and the b*stards who’ve got me wonder everyday how I’m still alive.
44) I’m 34 years old and I’ve never been independent, I didn’t live on campus, I’ve always lived at home and looked after relatives, I’m feeling claustrophobic – I need my own life. Is it too much to ask just to have be a librarian, a volunteer, get out and about, go to the theatre or a museum without being besieged?
45) When I try to read, do puzzles etc I automatically breathe really slowly, have to keep my eyes steady and try to focus but it’s like there is a mental block – it’s almost like having to go into a deep meditation to try.
46) I sometimes forget what is happening around me, like the person talking next to me and getting lost so have to ask someone or be reminded.
47) my face have frozen a few times in August, first it was the left side (felt like it couldn’t move, it looked normal but felt a bit heavy and I felt very masculine), I’ve found it hard to smile/laugh since and in December it’s been the right side.
48) Shaking hands
49) panic attacks
50) it feels like they can touch me
51) skin has gotten darker
52) excess bile, dribbling