Pursuing natural health & thinking beyond the superficial. Deconstructing Culture.

Posts tagged ‘Surviving not Living’

Living and Dying with Dignity

This is the medicine I take:

and there’s more to come and that doesn’t include the masses of vitamins and supplements.

Do you call that quality of life? I’m not living and I never have really, I’ve just been surviving. It’s not good enough, I’m just dying slow and painfully.

We need euthanasia and patient assisted suicide in this country, it’s too expensive to travel abroad to die with some sense of yourself left so many of us will never afford it and just continue to fervently wish that the next minute heck the next second will be better than the next. I’ve seen one charity which is an alternative to being able to legally die in this country give advice on how to pass on as easily as possible and it’s still daunting as hell and that’s something coming from me and a heck of a lot of others who’ve suffered their entire lives.

We have no choice and so more and more of us fall to the wayside in silence either unable to talk or feeling that there’s no point, or commit suicide or end up in an accident or end up in ‘care’ having to rely on others for daily needs. I already have a full time (my Mother) in that I’m ‘lucky’ in comparison to people who have no one who loves them, a GP, a care co-ordinator, support worker, psychiatrist and psychologist as well as emergency staff to call if I need to which I do every day actually but I refrain and have only called up once on the non-emergency line because I didn’t want to be a bother but just couldn’t cope. Another time I was sat I was unable to move, breathing very difficulty, only able to whisper, in serious pain and vomiting. Instead of 999 I was to call the non-emergency/non-immediate threatening 111, I couldn’t even speak, I was dragging the words out but they didn’t want to speak to my Mum they wanted to speak to me and for ages I might add getting every detail while I was gasping for air and then they decided to send an ambulance out. When they finally turned up quite some time later ‘my’ voices said “we’ll stop the pain now” (after all those hours of laughing at me “so this is what pain feels like”, “this is fun”, “does it hurt, yes it does, does it hurt” and being hyenas) so I guess I felt some kind relief that help had arrived. But did it? No. The paramedics decided I was fit and well enough to go to A&E by myself (how??? We don’t drive nor is there easy access to transport late night and who can afford minicabs) and wait to be seen but they didn’t want to take me because of the stomach pain/vomiting. Nevermind all the other problems I have and that people with my conditions have gastric problems as a result but they kept saying it might be a virus so they couldn’t risk it, that I might infect a ward and they’d have to shut it down but were somehow ok with me going there myself and waiting. One of the ambulance workers actually told me not to go certain hospitals because they were rubbish and uncaring. According to one of the nurses I saw a while after “unless you’ve got a limb falling off they don’t really want to give you a bed on the NHS” and we all know how long waiting lists are.

It’s taboo for medical professionals to talk about euthanasia and patient assisted suicide in this country and it’s more than time that that changed.